IHATEMYSELF !!!

i wish i can communicate better with others. Sharing my true feelings instead of causing so much misunderstandings. I wanna be an understanding girlfriend instead of a whinning bitch.Why can't I control my emotions? Who will truely understand what I am going thru?

SAVE ME !!!

Some people talk so bluntly that they dun bother whether they have hurt the other party in one way or another. Why can't they put themselves in other shoes before they even open their damn bloody mouth. I really hate people who just shoot from their mouth. Can't they think before they speak and show some consideration?

Been really pissed with her for some time and these few days I thout tinks got a little better but I guess I was totally wrong. Sometimes I do wonder if I do treat people this way too. If I really do then I am extremely sorry.

I really hope I can change. To be a better person. I really want to try very hard to kick away all my bad habits but its always easier said than done. I wish I can really curb my temper, try to be a little nicer to everyone and not flare up so easily. I wish I can be a near to perfection kinda person but ..yeah..I know..fat hope. Sometimes I can't even tolerate myself. I wonder how the other does.

I'm home on a wet Friday morning. The rain damped my mood and thus I decided to skip school today. Feel a little guilty coz Teck Meng is sucha nice facilitator which has given me a few As. Anyway, i really in a dilemma whether to keep this blog a private one or one which only a few people has access to it. Worst still whether to even let people know the existance of this blog.

Sometimes, I feel that a blog is such a superficial tink. A blog is more or less like a diary right?A diary is suppose to be a place where you can write all your feelings and thoughts but somehow I feel that the other blog of mine is not really a place where I can pour out all my true feelings. Somehow I gotta hide my true feelings to avoid offending anyone. How fake right? Like what's the point?

I feel so upset...mood swing easily these days. maybe coz its the time of the month.

wrote a post the other day and it was looonnnggg.. took me half an hr or so and it vanished into thin air in juz 1 sec. The batt dropped out while I was shifting it into a more comfortable position and I didnt noe my bro nv secure the batt. Didnt retype the whole entry coz I felt a whole lot betta. So I guess tis is the best place to rant on and on without anyone knowing.

Got home a while ago coz i had to make a trip to school juz to return the damn tapes for the video production but glad that at least dear was there with me.

One qns was on my mind the whole time juz nw. How do we define LOVE ? Is it reliance instead of love once a relationship is long? How do we need if we truely love our partner or vice-versa?

Or on the whole, how we do noe if your friend is a true friend? sounds perplexed rite? I noe.. Somehow I wish I can have the pysic power to read wad everyone is thinking buttt it may be sometink bad too. But somehow it is also good to be naive. Sometimes I realli wish I was realli realli naive. I dunnoe wad I want. Why must we go through so much suffering ? I wish I can juz had fun without worries. Have a relationship without it's complication. Is asking for a simple relationship realli impossible?

Am I the problem? Why cant I have a good relationship with anyone? My family, dear , my friends? Am I asking for too much? I realli envy people who can maintain a very good relationship with almost everyone. Why cant it be me?

I dun ask for much in life. I dun expect mysef to excel in my studies neither am I asking for straight As .. I dun expect to be filthy rich just sufficient for me to live life. I thout I am someone who is easily contented but.. it seems to me at times I am too demanding.

I wan to have a good r/s with everyone..can I ??

I noe I tend to take my family for granted but I am realli thankful for them . and I totally agree when people says family are always the best. You know they are always there for u no matter what happens.

As for dearie, I dunnoe wads with me. I know I aint treating him good enuf at times but I realli cant control myself. On the other hand, I do treat him too good too. Maybe I realli piortise him wrongly in my life. People would always say once you have a parnter, you tend to have lesser friends and I totallyy agree with that.

One of my greatest worry is that if one day my r/s wif dear were to turn sour, I would have no one to turn to and I dun wan to feel tis way. I am realli realli afraid.

I realli wish I can turn back time and restart everytime once again.. regrets are realli harmful... Everynow and then, you'll be reminded of the wrong path that you choose and that realli sux big time.

I realli miss zhu and tt group of friends but ...sigh
I wish xiu didnt say those hurtful words to me.. it made me realise how little she understands me.

I feel lonely all of a sudden with no one to turn to when I feel upset and stuffs.